For most of my life my philosophy that I've lived by is: be thankful always, find the bright side in everything, and witness by example. I don't always do the best on that last one, but I believe that that is one of the greatest things that I ever could do if I tried hard enough. I believe in that, so that's my philosophy.
On December 5th I faced one of the hardest days of my life. I wrecked my car, cost my parents a ton of money for insurance, and banged myself up incredibly hard. How could I have made such a stupid mistake? One simple error in judgement cost me so much. I was incredibly angry at myself, and anyone who knows me knows that I don't get angry. Frustrated, yes. Flustered, yes. Angry, no. But I was that day. I tried to cut myself off from my friends for a few days, ashamed of what I had let happen, and not wanting to face all their questions.
But one of my friends, Zack, wouldn't take my silence as an answer. He somehow knew what I was going through and wrote to me and told me exactly the thing I needed to hear.
"Maybe you can't dance in your current condition but....think of all the other awesome stuff you can do! Seriously, being injured is a blessing in disguise because you can show everyone that God is working in you in HUGE ways. If you keep thanking Him for your blessings and this opportunity then you're witnessing by example, which is an amazing gift. It's kinda hard for me to witness by example because I'm so darn healthy... pshaw. I can't tell you not to be depressed cause I'm not in your shoes, but I can say that you have a lot to be thankful for...and you can focus on that."
In my most miserable moment in life, he reminded me of my own philosophy. To be thankful for everything (be it a blessing or a curse), and to always see the right side of things. To never give up, and to show others that I'm still strong enough to go on. I've always lived this way, but that day, and in the days that followed, I lost that. And Zack brought it back.
Recently quite a few of my friends have been having days like that day was for me, so I'm passing this on to you all. I know what its like to be hurting so badly that you want to give in and be left alone to die in shame. I never thought I'd experience that kind of day, but I had four straight days of that in a row. And compared to a lot of people, four days is nothing. But for me(being miss happy bouncy butterfly), just one of those days hurt more than anything I've ever felt before.
But Zack's reminder saved me from any more pain, and I did cheer up and emerged back into the world to show them all that I'm not giving in. I went back to school on the fifth day and faced all their stupid questions (sorry, guys). I was back in the game far sooner than anyone thought I would be, and I witnessed by example.
My friend Juliet is one of the most amazing girls I've ever met. She deals with so much pain and loss of energy. If she let herself, she could easily mope around and only focus on the fact that she can't be half as active as other kids her age. But do you know what she does instead? She remains her happy thankful self no matter what. A new medication comes in, and she's sooo thankful for it, praising God for providing yet another chance at conquering her illness. And the rest of us stand back and watch with amazement at how she handles it all. It makes me want to cry to see her suffer in the ways that she does, but at the same time, she trusts God always and never loses faith. Juliet witnesses strongly by example. If only everyone could see her as she goes through these years of trials and handles it like a woman of God.
I know it hurts, and sometimes it feels like there's no hope. Nothing more to push for. Patience is far away. Contentment is at the bottom of your list. Energy even lower. And the future looks unchanging.
You are wrong, my friends. Don't give in. How can you even consider letting it conquer you? Your life is still yet to be lived to its fullest extent. Don't focus only on the things going wrong. Set your sights beyond that. Realize what you are being given now. A chance to witness to the rest of us by your example. The Lord is working marvelous works in you. And you can do so much more for others if you can be an example of strength in sorrow and pain.
Remember Zack. Remember Juliet. Remember me. Remember that God is always with you no matter how hard things are. No matter how minuscule your hope may seem. There is always hope. Always. As long as we remember to trust the Lord and let Him in. We can't do things alone, so stop trying to do it alone. Trust Him. Have faith. Never give in.
"But the Lord is with me as a dread warrior;
therefore my persecutors will stumble;
they will not overcome me.
They will be greatly shamed,
for they will not succeed.
Their eternal dishonor will never be forgotten.
O Lord of hosts, who tests the righteous,
who sees the heart and the mind,
let me see your vengeance upon them,
for to you have I committed my cause."
- Jeremiah 20:11-12
