Following a rainbow

*twirls into the room in a happy blur of blue and green and brown*

I've no idea why I'm happy, but I am! By most people's standards, I should have very little reason to be happy. But their standards aren't mine. Not in this case anyhow.

I was talking to Hannah on the phone the other night, and telling her about my life, and as hard as it is, I couldn't stop smiling and laughing! Yeah, its tough, and yeah, sometimes it hurts more than I think I can bear, but then at the same time, its hopeful! And its happy! Because no matter what happens, going through this is bringing me ever closer to God and to my dad and mom, and I doubt there's ever a time when you can get too close. The bonds between me and each of them ought to always be strong, and if this is what it takes, I'll do it!

"This too shall pass." Yep. And I think it has. To my knowledge, the situation hasn't changed, but I'm not unhappy about it. I doubt that being depressed is how people would want me to handle it. (on that note, thanks for the email, Grace Anne. You're awesome!) Nor is it how God would want me to be handling it. Worrying isn't trusting Him, and that is a sin. So what do you do about that? Just... trust Him! And stop worrying! Goodness, it sounds easy, and it is easy. But as sinful creatures, we like sinning. Breaking habits is difficult, but simply not doing something ought to be the easiest thing in the world.

My father is a wise man. He told me yesterday, "He has all of it planned, the evil as well as the good." How true that is. Being the optimist that I am means that I tend to think that He's always planning only good for us. And its true! But that doesn't mean that the evil isn't also a part of His plan. It does come from him, and that's comforting. I know that in the end its all in pursuit of the furthering of His kingdom and for His ultimate glory. Even if we can't tell sometimes, that is the end.

These are beautiful challenges, and they are beautiful, no matter how difficult they are. The point of a beautiful challenge is to test our faith in Him. Can we trust Him only when things are good? Will we fall apart when we suddenly find that we can't control the way things are going in our lives? Or will we trust Him even more the than we do in the light, and stay strong in Him?

The answer is obvious. Its a beautiful challenge, so treat it like that. Treat it with grace, and know that all challenges come to an end.

So! It took me a few crazy-busy days and sleepless tearful nights, but I've reached the other side, and I'm all the stronger for it. I've no idea what He will give to me to handle tomorrow, but I do know that I will be able to handle it with grace and charity, as the daughter in Christ and Christian woman that I am. He is my strength and shield, my defense and high tower. And He has everything planned for me. All of it.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your heart to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
- Colossians 3:12-17